Regrets and Pie Bombs
by SpongySquid92
Summary: Squidward and Squilvia decide to tie the knot, but Squidward is unsure. When he makes one last trip back to his house after five months of being gone, he realizes just how much he doesn't want to leave his old life. One sided Squid/Squilvia, Squid/Sponge


**A/N: For a contest back at dA. Since Squilvia has never been mentioned in Season 8 after "Love That Squid"(and considering how Mr. Krabs and Mrs. puff haven't dated since "Krusty Love") I had to assume that they...broke up for some reason. And since the contest is for a "Deleted Scene", I thought I would write something that explains that, all while keeping my favorite slash pairing in check. **

A beautiful sunset of purple and pink was casting a glow over the wide fields of kelp. In the midst of the forest, two octopi sat on the very edge of a flowery escarpment, tentacles entwined. One's black hair was blowing in the current. The only sound was the buzzing of jellyfish in the distance.

The woman smiled contently as she stared out into the sunset, mesmerized by the vibrant colors. The other, Squidward Tentacles, stared out into the distance as well. But he wasn't smiling. Nothing close to a smile was formed on his lips. His maroon eyes constantly shifted to other objects around him, and he looked wary..

And...slightly uncomfortable.

He was jerked from his reverie when he felt a squeeze on his tentacle. When he felt her gaze on him, he smiled, as not to rouse her suspicions. But it felt forced.

She looked up at him lovingly. "Isn't the sunset beautiful, Squidward?" She mused, squeezing his tentacle once more as she gazed out into the sky.

"Yeah... It...it sure is, Squilvia." Squidward agreed, having to clear his throat before he spoke.

As they stared out into the sea of colors, he felt a warmth at his side. Squilvia was pressed against him, leaning her head on his shoulder. She didn't take her eyes off of the sight in front of her.

He suddenly felt prickles of distress running through his veins. Along with that of shame.

….What was wrong with him? The moment he saw her, he was sure it was love at first sight. When they began dating, it was amazing to him. It was the best he felt in years. After the first two weeks, they had shared their first kiss. After the first month, she had lost her virginity. Squidward had already lost his, many years ago, but no matter. Making love to her had felt incredible. Two months later, he had declared how much he loved her and promised to be with her forever. Four months later, he had met her parents out for dinner. Seven months later, he had proposed to her.

And now here they were, after more than a year of dating, engaged. The wedding was going to be a few months later.

And Squidward felt...regret. Absolute regret.

He hadn't felt like this when he actually proposed and saw the look of endearment and surprise in her eyes. But the next morning, there was automatically a pang of demur. He knew he had made mistake. Kissing her didn't feel as magical as it had, and making love felt just as impelled.

He felt terrible that he was leading her on, even now when he felt more unsure than he ever had been. But he felt like he was trapped. He didn't know what exactly was trapping him. Something in the back of his conscience he presumed. He wanted to let her down, but...he couldn't. She had become a part of him, even with his doubts. And he didn't want to say or do anything that would hurt her.

And...he didn't even know why he was feeling these doubts. He felt like there was something wrong with him. He felt like a terrible person. He felt like Squilvia was sensing his decline of affection, day by day. And he didn't know how to stop it. He wanted desperately for those original feelings to come back so everything could be back to normal in his mind set, and he prayed every day and every moment that he was with her that they would. But of course, they never did. The only thing that returned every day were the inner demons that toyed with his mind.

"So Squidward," Squilvia said, jerking Squidward from his thoughts. She sensed the distress in his facial expression and raised a brow, forgetting what she was about to ask before. "Are you alright?"

Squidward looked at her and smiled nervously. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just...tired." Tired. Tired was the only excuse he could come up with. He mentally slapped himself in the face. He was sure that he had used that one more than 30 times in the past two months.

...Okay, not that much, but it sure felt that way to him.

"Oh. So that means you're too _tired,_" She smirked and raised a brow sensually. "To go back home and have a little fun?" She then began to trace her tentacle down his as her smirk widened.

"Oh...um..." He shivered as he felt her touch. And it wasn't out of pleasure. "I...I can't tonight..."

She stopped for a moment and looked at him strangely. "What do you mean you can't...?" She asked. "You can't have sex? Is that what you mean?"

He rubbed the back of his head and his eyes darted throughout the fields nervously as he tried to search for some kind of way out of this. He couldn't take another night of meaningless sex.

At least to him, it would be meaningless. He could only presume Squilvia felt the exact opposite.

He pulled his other tentacle away from Squilvia as she sat up to eye him curiously. "Squidward?" She asked expectantly, folding her tentacles.

He sighed. "I just...have to go back to my house for a while..." He finally said, the hesitation in his voice apparent. "Check up on things..."

Her eyes narrowed. "We're getting married in a few months. You're going to be living in my house for the rest of your life after that! Why do you need to go back to your old house?"

_The rest of my life..._ Squidward shuddered a bit as those words rang through his mind. "Like I said, I just need to see how things are. I haven't been back there in five months.."

"But there's nothing to see there! You don't have anybody else living there, or any pets. What's there to check on? The furniture?" She folded her tentacles and glared at him.

"Dammit, Squilvia, it's only for one night!" Squidward yelled, now glaring back at her. "Do you have to get so worked up about it?"

She stopped suddenly as she opened her mouth to say something. She studied his face for a while before sighing and looking out into the sunset, sadness now in her eyes. She stayed silent for a moment before folding her tentacles in her lap. "I just feel like...you don't want to be around me or something." She murmured. "You've been so distant lately."

He paled a bit. She _had_ noticed. His expression softened when he noticed her eyes had met his. Trying to lighten the situation a bit, he smiled as best he could and grasped her tentacle in his. "I'm sorry, okay? I just...need some time to clear my head." His eyes trailed down to the kelp waving with the current so he didn't have to meet her eyes.

"How cliched," He heard her mutter, and he could just picture her rolling her eyes. They're sarcasm that could pop up in any situation was the one thing they had in common. "Wait... Clear your head from what, exactly?" She touched his chin lightly so his attention would be brought back to her.

He felt beads of sweat trickling down the back of his head. "It's...not important." He said quickly, before he looked at her softly again. He tried to make it look as meaningful as possible. "I'll come back later tomorrow."

She took a breath in and grasped his other tentacle and smiled lightly. "You'll make it up to me?" She asked, and that sensual movement with her brow appeared again.

"Sure," He replied, squeezing back. "Whatever you want."

She looked positively relieved as soon as he spoke those words and she reached up and kissed him, wrapping her tentacles around his neck. He proceeded to wrap his own around her waist. He felt her tongue go after his as they kissed, and he felt himself try to recoil, but to no avail. Their tongues danced in each others mouths, but it was in no way a magical dance. Not like a graceful Viennese Waltz, but more like that awkward married couple that tries to impress everyone with clumsy and spastic movements.

When she pulled away, she touched his cheek lightly. "I love you," She whispered before pulling in for a hug.

As she did, Squidward found his breath hitching in his throat for a moment. Then he remembered that he had to say it back. "I love you too," He murmured as he hugged her back with shaky tentacles.

Those words tasted like bile. Not because he hated saying saccharine garbage like that in general, but especially because of the person he was saying it to.

And especially because he in no way meant it. He could say "I love you" to Spongebob, and it would be more meaningful than if he said it to Squilvia.

He actually pondered that thought for a moment.

He felt her body rising away from him after a few minutes of their embrace. "Do you want a ride to your house?" She offered, gesturing to the boat mobile parked a few yards away.

Squidward stood up as well, but he shook his head in decline. "No thanks. I can walk back..." He looked towards the ground and then back at her with a nervous smile. "It's not that far."

"Okay," She gave him a final kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight, Squidward." And with that, she headed out towards her car.

As he heard the engine begin to rumble, he turned back towards her as she gave a wave. He limply lifted his own tentacle as he watched her drive away into the distance.

Immediately, his smile disappeared and he groaned to himself in agony. Why was he doing this to himself?

He decided it would be best to get started on his walk back to his beloved Easter Island Head before the sun went down. He gave one final sigh as he turned back to the edge of the cliff and solemnly looked back out into the sunset.

And as he turned to leave, he couldn't help but envision pie-bombs and erosions as the view of the sunset stuck in his mind.

It shook his equilibrium to the point he felt he couldn't recover.

His tentacles ached. His head pounded. Pretty much every part of his body was in some sort of pain as he finally came onto the road labeled "Conch Street". He didn't know how long he had taken to get there, but he certainly hadn't made it there before the sun went down. The only light illuminating the area was the glow of the moon above the surface of the water.

He tiredly stared out at the figures in the distance. The rock, the pineapple, and the one he knew best: His Easter Island Head. He smiled to himself, the feeling of freedom washing over him. He didn't even care how much time he had until he had to return to Squilvia the next day. He just wanted the feeling of being home. His _real _home.

He practically ran to the front door of his house and he pressed up against the gray-blue gravel. He even kissed it lightly. He looked up at the top window, and he could faintly see the outlines of easels and wax sculptures through the glass. All left the way they had been five months ago.

He never thought he would see a more bittersweet sight than that.

He began to dig vigorously in his pockets for his keys that he hadn't used in so long when, in the corner of his eye, he caught a little light coming from the upstairs window of the house to the right of him.

He glanced over at it, suddenly becoming mesmerized in the sight. He hadn't seen that damn pineapple in so long. When he had first left for Squilvia's home, he had hoped he would never see it again for the rest of his life.

But...it felt welcoming, somehow.

He turned to his other side to look at the little rock with the antennae sticking out of the top. Memories came flooding back.

He turned back to the pineapple. Even more memories bombarded him upon the sight.

He realized then just how long he had been gone.

Five fucking months too long..

His eyes led up to the window of the pineapple, and he could slightly hear Spongebob's voice, saying something incomprehensible to his snail. He hadn't heard that prepubescent-sounding voice in so long.

He hadn't _seen _him in so long..

Nor had he heard that dolphiny laugh, or the squeak of his shoes while he walked, or the sound of his fog-horn alarm clock going off at six in the morning.

At that point something clicked in his mind. He didn't know what exactly drove him to do what he did next, but he quickly found himself walking up to the front door of the pineapple. He stopped at the door, solemnly looking up at the green leaves at the very top that swayed with the current.

_What's the point, Squidward? You're just going to go back to her tomorrow. There's...no point in seeing him... _He thought to himself bitterly, as he began to question what brought him back to Conch Street in the first place.

He sighed to himself and he felt his eyes brim with tears. How he wanted to be back in his house, relaxing upstairs, playing clarinet, listening to the two idiots babbling incessantly outside, begging him to come out and join whatever childish game they were playing.

He slowly raised a tentacle to the little door knocker just above the metal turner. He felt like he stood there about twenty minutes, contemplating, before he finally grasped it lightly. He didn't knock it. He just kept it there.

_You'll regret it if you don't... _He told himself as he stood there in the moonlight. _This is going to be your only chance before you get married... _

And as an afterthought, _He deserves a good bye, at the very least.. After all the shit you put him through._

He took a deep breath in and scraped whatever tears were present in his eyes, and without hesitation, used the door knocker, knocking loudly and rapidly.

His heart immediately sunk. It was done. No turning back now.

Then he heard his voice from upstairs. "_I'll be back in a minute, Gary! I have to see who's at the door!_"

"_Meow?_"

"_I know.. I wonder who would want something at this hour..._"

He felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of his head as he heard his footsteps coming down the stairs.

His heart sunk lower as he saw the dial on the door begin to turn as the sponge unlocked it from the inside.

And there stood Spongebob, wrapped in a green robe, and wearing pink bunny slippers. He had a smile on his face as he opened the door, but as soon as his eyes caught sight of who it was, his mouth dropped open. His eyes bugged. The hand that had been holding the door open fell to his side.

He looked so familiar to Squidward, as if it had been just yesterday he had gone to his front door to complain about the underwear left on his front lawn. But he also looked like such a stranger. He hadn't seen him for five months, after all.

He hadn't even remembered him owning bunny slippers. Or a green robe for that matter.

Amazing what time can do to a person.

Squidward sighed and cracked a forced smirk. He raised a limp tentacle in greeting. "Hi, Spongebob." He said hoarsely.

Spongebob just remained in his stunned state, mouth agape. His pupils occasionally moved a bit, as if he was trying to see if it was really him at the door.

He rubbed the back of his head nervously, as he thought of something else to say. "It...It's...been a while..."

Spongebob's mouth finally closed, slowly. But there was no change in emotion as they held each others gaze. He slowly raised his hand to grab the door and shut it, leaving the two of them alone on the walkway. His blue pupils seemed to glow with the shadow of the moon.

"I...err..." He stumbled, trying to find the right words. "I don't know if you heard...but...Squilvia and I are...engaged now." He slowly lifted up his tentacle to show the ring wrapped around it. It did not shine. It was duller than he ever remembered seeing it.

Spongebob's eyes then led to the ring in front of him. There was a quick change in his expression, and Squidward had just barely caught it.

Regret.

"And...that's why I have been gone for so long," Squidward murmured, now pulling his tentacle away, hoping the sponge would try to regain eye contact with him. But his blue pupils just stayed where they had just been, cloudy and dazed. "We're...planning on getting married...in a few months..." He solemnly glanced up at the Easter Island Head beside him, the rock next to that, and then back to Spongebob. Tears began to form around the edges of his eyelids.

_Fuck...now he's going to see me cry... Just wonderful... I came here for a minute to say one fucking good bye and now he's seeing me like this... _He thought as he began to wipe away his tears in the most noticeable way possible, even though he was attempting to do the exact opposite.

"So...I just thought...I would come back here for one last night..." He glanced over at his house once again. "You know...to see how my house has been holding up since..." He knew that was a lie. And he knew that Spongebob knew too.

He looked back down to see that Spongebob was now looking up at him, and his expression still had not shifted. He had not even said anything since he had appeared at the door.

He sighed as his breath hitched in his throat with what he was about to say next. "And...to say good bye, I guess..." He whispered this, and he breathed in to try to compose himself. "Since I probably won't be coming back."

He desperately tried to keep more tears from escaping from his lids.

Memories...

So many memories.

With or without Spongebob.

"So...yeah..." He couldn't think of anything else more to say. He had never been good with good byes. "Being your neighbor was...quite the experience..."

Nothing. His little black pupils studied him. But there was no other facial movement.

He folded his arms limply. "Well? Aren't you going to say something?" His voice cracked at the end of that sentence.

…

Seeing that he wasn't going to get any type of reaction from the sponge, Squidward sighed and wiped away some tear stains that were left. "Well...then..." He began to back away slowly. "Good bye, Spongebob.."

And as he turned away, he felt the lump in his throat begin to sting him. He fought the tears as best he could.

He desperately asked Neptune above why this was saddening him so. The neighborhood he had hated, the job he had hated, the fish he had hated, and the neighbors he had hated... He had always dreamed of leaving them all behind him. He had wished some of them dead.

But now, when that wish was realized, he couldn't handle it. He didn't know if it was because he didn't love Squilvia, if it was because of nostalgia...or if it was something else that made him want to stay there.

He hated himself for thinking this way. He wanted to go back to Squilvia and go back to their days of utter happiness.

But in the state he was in now, he knew they couldn't. No matter how much he had tried, or would continue to try.

And as he walked over to his Easter Island Head, legs feeling like heavy weights at this point, he heard the patter of feet in the sand. He turned around slightly, only to see that Spongebob had followed him, but was trailing a few feet back.

"What? I thought I said goodbye already," Squidward muttered lowly before he turned back again to walk to his house.

He heard the pattering sound again.

Turning around again, he saw that Spongebob had gotten a few feet closer. "What do you want? I already gave you a good bye. What more do you...want?" He felt himself glare at bit. But it wasn't directed at the sponge.

He made it as far as the front door of his old house when he turned around again to see Spongebob standing right in front of him.

It was like he was trying intentionally to make it harder than it already was.

But then he got a good look at his face. His eyes were about halfway filled with tears, and his lower lip was trembling as he stared at the octopus.

Squidward felt his composure thinning by the moment as he stared at those wobbling blue eyes.

_Fuck,_ he was going to cry again.

"You're not making this any easier, Squarepants." Squidward said harshly, before he felt another lump forming in his throat.

Tears trailed down the sponge's face as he stared at the octopus sadly. He then slowly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Squidward's torso. His grip tightened around him, as if he were his security blanket.

A grunt escaped from his lips as he felt the warmth of the sponge around him.

It felt better than any hug that Squilvia had given him in the past few months.

"Spongebob..." He murmured, and he tried to squirm out of his grip. The lump became even larger. "Let go.." It was more of a beg. He knew he was close to breaking.

He then felt Spongebob's body shake and he heard soft sniffling coming from below him. Soft sniffling turned into loud breaths. Shakes turned into spasms. And little whimpers turned into loud sobs of anguish.

Realizing it may be the last time he ever saw the little sponge once he got married, he slowly brought one tentacle across his back. Spongebob immediately sobbed louder and stepped forward into his chest. Squidward brought his other tentacle across his back and pulled him slightly closer. His eyes were wobbling with tears.

Neither of them said a word.

The only sound was Spongebob's heart-wrenching sobs that echoed throughout the barren land.

Squidward merely held him there lightly.

Never in the many years Squidward had known Spongebob had he felt so close to him.

There had been moments where they would talk like friendly acquaintances.

There had been times where they had shared moments like two friends would.

There had been times where they acted like brothers, Squidward being the older brother, constantly being annoyed and bothered by the littler brother, Spongebob. He would have to comfort him at times, yell at him, and would even threaten him with the worst things imaginable.

But as with all brothers, they shared a close bond, no matter how little it was or how much it was attempted to be hidden.

And...

Despite how little that bond was...

Squidward was not ready to break it.


End file.
